How to deal with triggers using A.B.I.D.E.

Dec 14, 2022


A.B.I.D.E. is a code of conduct I have developed to help myself, and my clients powerfully diffuse and unhook from triggers when they arise, so that they can feel calm,  re-centred and able to move forward in their lives and their relationships. A.B.I.D.E. allows you to become radically self-responsible, so that when the “shiz hits the fan” you can continually grow, evolve, and move out of the stuck energy into leadership, empowerment and freedom

Following the simple steps of A.B.I.D.E. helps you to turn inwards to pin-point and “own” the underlying feelings and “survival patterns” you may be unconsciously running that have been keeping you staying stuck. Using A.B.I.D.E. helps you to powerfully move through the stuck energy, create more peace and freedom in your life, and open you up to limitless possibility and expansion

A.B.I.D.E. uses Quantum Law and has its roots in a powerful teaching I learnt during my 12 years studying and practising as a Buddhist - “Esho Funi” which means “the oneness of self and environment”. This concept illustrates that separation is an illusion, which is the same principal as So Within, So Without…As Above, So Below. I aim to model and teach this to the women on my programmes, retreats and women’s circles - to empower them to quickly move out of patterns of victim/blame/staying stuck, patterns that are ultimately not serving them, so that they can become radically self-responsible and aligned

A.B.I.D.E. helps my clients to take their power back, become the heroine of their own story and skilfully lead themselves and others. When they implement the simple steps of A.B.I.D.E. in their lives they get to experience deeper levels of freedom, joy, confidence and expansion. They get to lead themselves, embody the fullness of who they are and move into limitless possibility…

This is what the world needs right now - more of us stepping into our power, leading ourselves and sharing our wisdom and gifts within our communities. Our communities then become nourished by us…they in turn give back to us…and we then become more nourished by our communities. This cyclical flow and reciprocity is the essence of true feminine empowerment and feminine energetics - versus the “pyramid” or “linear” models we see used in our current society

The word “abide has different meanings:

  • It can mean to bear patiently, to tolerate, to endure, to accept - (usually something unpleasant!). This implies a more passive way of experiencing life, where you (often unconsciously) hand your power away and feel that life is “happening to you”. This mostly leads to feelings of victimhood, injustice, anger, blame and resentment
  • “Abide” can also mean to stay or live somewhere - to have one’s “abode” or dwelling. As you begin to take ownership of your life experiences and set about healing the wounds, blocks, patterns or traumas that are in the way of you becoming a “vibrational match” for your dream life, you start to take your power back and become the heroine of your own story. Instead life can be viewed and experienced as happening for you, not to you. You start to embody more sovereignty and power, and return “home” to yourself, dissolving the old patterns, as they present themselves, so that you can bring more of your true self on line, and anchor this frequency and these “templates” more deeply into the Earth grids. In this way you can start to truly feel at home in your body and feel yourself “at home” on Earth, claimed as a “daughter/son of the Earth”. You get to feel that your expansion and evolution is Earth’s expansion and evolution, and you realise that the two are inextricably linked

When you heal and transform what you "can’t abide” - perhaps a pattern or situation you’ve been putting up with, or something that suddenly surfaces and triggers you, and you go inside to do the inner work and determine to change the poison into medicine, (another Buddhist concept) you allow yourself to “Abide Within” (Shakespeare). You stop handing over your power to others or seeking the solution outside of yourself, and instead you go within, you own your own feelings, transform them and come “home” to yourself…so that your nervous system can reset and relax and you can begin to feel more peaceful

The only thing stopping you living into your “5D Source-Connected Self” is your trauma/patterns/slave-self. When you understand this, you come to welcome your triggers, see them as messengers from your nervous system, helping you to recognise the deeper layers of trauma held in your body’s cells (personal trauma, ancestral trauma, collective trauma), so that you can move these out of your body and be free…

So how to use A.B.I.D.E.?

By following these simple steps, alongside tools that help you shift on a cellular, vibrational level e.g. EFT and Quantum Womb Healing™ Pelvic Radiance™ to fast track your way through the stuck energy as it presents. And by being gentle and compassionate with yourself - knowing that you are and always will be “work in progress”…!

Step 1.

ACKNOWLEDGE your feelings and own your triggers - ask yourself what has this dynamic stirred up for you, and how does that make you feel? Name the feelings that are coming up for you in this situation / dynamic. In this way you validate your feelings, and you allow your nervous system and your inner-being / inner-child to start to relax and reset, instead of having them spiralling out of control in an attempt to try and get your attention - because something is “off” and out of alignment. The sooner you can acknowledge your feelings, the sooner you can move onto the next steps and begin to feel some agency in preventing the spiralling emotions and invasive mental “noise”, which, if left unchecked, can cause you to experience emotional flooding (overwhelming negative emotions & physical responses such as shallow breathing, pounding heartbeat, sweaty palms) this happens when the Limbic System is activated, which is responsible for emotions and survival. In this state our logical rational mind goes out to lunch! I call this the “trauma/drama vortex”

Step 2.

BLESS AND ACCEPT YOUR FEELINGS. Take a moment to pause, breath and really presence yourself with your feelings. In this way you can allow them to be there without the need to try and change or fix them. By accepting what is (i,e, the feelings) we give come back into our bodies, and we start to become self-generative in feeling held and heard, rather than needing any validation from an outside source. This “self-soothing” is an important step. All too often we override our difficult feelings so that we don’t have to feel them. We brush them under the carpet, or we numb our feelings, self-avoid and self-medicate with food, shopping (this was me!), scrolling (me too 🙈), alcohol, substance abuse, staying in toxic relationships with people who hurt us (I did this for 10 years), or we do a big "spiritual bypass" number on the situation that is damaging us by telling ourselves “I am going to stick this out and bathe everything in “love and light”….or “my Dharma is to heal the collective wounding around this and by seeing this through (aka putting up with it, playing small and abandoning yourself and your needs) I am serving the bigger picture” (OMG this was me all over!)

Feeling your feelings can be scary and so simply “blessing and accepting” your feelings, just as they are, is the first step towards healing


Step 3.

Turn INWARDS - the hardest part, but the most essential step of you want to take your power back, heal the triggers and up-level, is to turn inwards - even though everything is calling your attention to focus on what’s happening on the outside. Ask yourself “What is this situation showing me that I need to heal?” You may want to sit down and “have a cup of tea” with your feelings - create a specific time for this, create sacred space so that you feel safe and protected, and ask your inner being (the part of yourself that is hurt and triggered) questions such as:

What does this feeling bring up in me?

When have I felt this before?

What is this really about?

Try and locate the feeling in your body, and then ask the feeling inside your body:

How old are you?

When did I first feel this feeling in this lifetime? …in a previous lifetime?

If I turn my focus to what’s going on on the outside and give my energy to that, instead of healing this on the inside, what alignment will that pull me out of?

And if that happens what old limiting belief of mine / survival pattern will it serve? i.e. in what way will I stay stuck? What will stay the same?

What are you here to teach me? 

What does my body need to help me feel safe/calm/whole?

You could record your answers in a voice memo, or journal with them. Often writing your feelings down or verbalising them helps you to crystallise your feelings and get underneath the source the feelings, to discover the deeper patterns we might be running, and understand the shadows at play. You could also dance, craft, chant, drum…

This step allows you to take full responsibility for your feelings. Instead of giving your power away, you take ownership of your experience and move into a more expanded and empowered state of possibility, where you can move through the blocks, start to take your power back, and bring real healing to your inner being

Give your feelings space, and if you can, allow yourself to feel gratitude to your inner being for bringing this old wound out into the open to be healed and integrated back into wholeness

Remember there is no wound without balm. Our triggers can become our deepest medicine and teachers . They give us the opportunity we have been (unconsciously) calling in to help us expand and grow. Be patient with yourself, we are all unfolding from the inside…

Step 4.

DEEPEN - you can’t receive the medicine you are seeking from the outside/external world, until you have been able to lean in and become a generative source of that, and therefore a vibrational match for that, for yourself - i.e. do the work on the inside. Rather than trying to blame or shame yourself or others with negative self-talk, using simple techniques such as EFT tapping and positive self-talk directed at you inner being can help you show up for your inner being with unconditional love.

  •  ETF: tapping "messages” into your body with the tips of your fingers while you repeat phrases in the present tense (as if the desired outcome has already happened) e.g. “I am here, I am safe, I am heard, I am held, I am enough, I am loved”
  •  Positive Self-Talk: place a hand over your heart or womb (or wherever you feel the charge in your body) and address your inner being in a reassuring comforting way such as “I hear you, I see you, I love you just as you are. I know you are hurting and scared, and struggling right now. But you are not alone, I’m here, I’ve got your back, and I’m never going to leave you again.”

Step 5.

ESTABLISH YOUR VALUES & TRUTH - clearly stating your needs to others and then holding clear boundaries around that - which is often easier said that done! Largely we are conditioned to want to please, accommodate, be liked and fit in - and more significantly we are deeply programmed to avoid criticism, judgement, rejection, punishment and abandonment. In the past voicing your truth and going against the grain could mean that you were ostracised or thrown out of the pack/tribe - so your very survival depended on fitting in and not challenging the status quo. However, by establishing your own values and truth, you are not trying to change someone else’s view, or bend them round to your way of thinking / your values, instead, your boundaries are for you, and you alone. You continually hand your power away when you have the attitude of “they have to change in order for me to be able to feel XYZ…”. When you energetically align with your truth and values, you broadcast a very different signal to the universe. The experiences you have are always a vibrational match for who you are being - this is Quantum Law


...So, next time you feel your hackles going up and you start to armour-up and go into battle, remember that this will only perpetuate the status quo and bring you more of the same….

Instead try to use the simple steps of A.B.I.D.E. and see how empowering it feels! This way you will begin to see all experiences as “medicine”, and experience life as happening for you rather than to you. You will start to feel more peaceful, grounded, calm and free.

Let me know if this helps!

I help soul-centered women who feel disconnected from their wombs and the feminine cycles, to heal their relationship with their wombs, soften, ignite their Shakti & unlock the full spectrum of their “Wild Soul Woman” so that they can reclaim their power, heal their lineage & step into their destiny as the healers, leaders, creators & Womb Shamans of this Feminine Awakening movement

I offer 1:1 "Womb Awakening" 3-month programmes, and a group Womb Awakening 4-Seasons Apprenticeship

Find out more about how we can work together, I'd love to connect!


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